A Grouch's Guide to Life:
Contemplating Aesop
By Grouchy Carmichael
Aesop's Fable: “The Fox and The Grapes”
A hungry fox saw some fine bunches of grapes hanging from a vine that was trained along a high trellis and did his best to reach them by jumping as high as he could into the air. But it was all in vain, for they were just out of reach. So he gave up trying and walked away with an air of dignity and unconcern, remarking, “I thought those grapes were ripe, but I see now they are quite sour.”
Grouchy Says:
First, Let me get one thing clear: Foxes Don't Eat Grapes. You have to suspend your disbelief when you read this fable. Okay... now on to my thoughts...
As a grouch, I love this story. Not only is it easy to read on the toilet, but it sums up my entire life.
When I lose at checkers, I say, “It's a juvenile game anyway.”
When I don't get invited to the party, I say, “Who wants to hang around with those drunken losers. I'd rather just stay home.”
Every time I see a beautiful woman, I think, “Somewhere, there is a man that is tired of putting up with her shit.”
Some people call this Sour Grapes, or being a sore loser. But let me ask you, Was Al Gore all Sour Grapes when he tried to fix the election but lost anyway? NO! He went on to create one of the greatest works of fiction the film world ever saw! He even scammed them out of an Oscar and the Nobel Piece (of Crap) Prize!
Now, if you have read this far, thank you. Those that haven't are idiots and just don't get it.
Aesop's Fable: “The Goose that Laid the Golden Eggs”
A man and his wife had the good fortune to possess a goose which laid a golden egg every day. Lucky though they were, they soon began to think they were not getting rich fast enough, and, imagining the bird must be made of gold inside, they decided to kill it in order to secure the whole store of precious metal at once. But when they cut it open they found it was just like any other goose. Thus, they neither got rich all at once, as they had hoped, nor enjoyed any longer the daily addition to their wealth.
Grouchy Says:
If I could go back in time and speak with this man and his wife, I would tell them, “Ha ha! You Friggin' Idiots!"
People are so impatient. They don't think of the future. For decades, the government wanted to increase the debt because they wanted immediate gratification. Now look at our country.
And you wonder why I am a Grouch...
This reminds me of the idiot that keeps pushing his floor button on the elevator over and over and over although it is already lit. Listen, Friend, I don't want this elevator to go any faster than it's little cables can carry it... and besides, pushing the button won't make it go any faster.
Usually I go ahead and push every floor ahead of his (but after mine) so he has to stop at all of them. But that's cause I'm a jerk...
Aesop's Fable: “The Mischievous Dog”
There was once a dog that used to snap at people and bite them without any provocation, and who was a great nuisance to everyone that came to his master's house. So his master fastened a bell around his neck to warn people of his presence. The dog was very proud of the bell, and strutted about tinkling it with immense satisfaction. But an old dog came up to him and said, “The fewer airs you give yourself the better, my friend. You don't think, do you, that your bell was given you as a reward of merit? On the contrary, it is a badge of disgrace.”
Grouchy Says:
That old dog is just jealous he doesn't have a bell. That old dog is just mad he never did anything with his life. Sour Grapes. Wow, I came full circle without even planning it. I'm Good!
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